I have been desperately trying to keep Kaiden on a pretty tight feeding and napping schedule both for his sanity and for mine. Although lately it seems that I am failing miserably. Once I think I have it all figured out something happens (as in teething, a cold, or just plain defiance) to throw us completely off track again.
Now if you know me well enough you know that I don't like change. I like to follow rules and schedules to a "T." I like consistency. I like to know that the same things that happened the day before are the same things I can look forward to today. I like to know that if someone says something is going to happen at X o'clock, then by golly I can plan on being there at X o'clock. So when Kaiden all of a sudden starts to throw the whole schedule off that I have worked so hard to establish, thankyouverymuch, it really throws me for a loop. Fortunately, though, the one thing that has always remained pretty constant is his night sleeping schedule. Ever since he was 4 months old he has been completely sleeping through the night. We have him in bed between 6:45-7:00pm and he sleeps until 6:00am.
Until this past week.
For whatever reason he has been waking up around 5:00am. And, of course, I don't go and get him until 6:00 because I don't want him thinking that it is okay to be getting up at the butt crack of dawn. Right? Buuuutttt, then he is tired for his first nap at 7:00 instead of 8, and lately his first nap he is only sleeping an hour (if I'm lucky) instead of two hours. Then, he is hungry for lunch at 10:30 instead of 11 or 12. Then he is going down for his second nap at 12 instead of 1, which gets him up at 2ish instead of 3-4ish. Which makes him Mr. Crankpots the rest of the afternoon. It's all a mess. A total mess.
It's times like this that I find myself wishing away time. "I wish that he would just get all of his teeth in already so he wouldn't be so cranky...I wish that he could walk so I don't have to carry him everywhere. My back is killing me...I wish that he would grow out of his gassiness so I don't have to burp him still ALL THE TIME...I wish that he would sleep until 7 and could get himself up..." I hate myself for thinking that way because I know that all too soon the day will come that he won't want me to carry him anymore, that he won't want to snuggle with me when he is in pain and I know that before I blink again he'll be 18 and running off to college.
So, I'm pretty sure there is a lesson in all of this that I need to learn. I guess it is for me to just let go. To relax and take life as it comes. To have a schedule in place, but make room for variations. To enjoy every minute of my time with Kaiden whether he's fussy or happy. To know that tomorrow is a new day and I can always start fresh. To be patient and understanding. To spend my days feeling calm instead of frustrated and stressed. To pray for strength and patience. To pray for guidance as a mother. And most importantly to pray that my son feels loved, honored and cherished each and every day.
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13